Thursday, January 06, 2005

Why am I here...

Well, I really dont know why I'm here.. or what I plan to have in my blog ... or how frequently I plan to post... or any other deeply philosophical questions like those. Its been a tough day at work pretending to be busy while actually not doing anything particularly useful. I've come to believe in the saying, "Work's not supposed to be fun... thats why it's called work.." and anyone who says they enjoy their work are clearly lying. Well, they may actually be speaking the truth, but i prefer to think they're lying.. it's much easier for me to hate my work that way.. and one more thing i believe in is that managers exist to make life miserable for their underlings... it gives the manager a warm feeling inside to see his subordinate in pain and suffering... and it makes a manager truly ecstatic if the above-mentioned pain and suffering has been inflicted by him. I'm a big fan of the Dilbert comic strip and feel the pointy-hair manager is a fairly accurate representation of the average manager. And in true Dilbert style I've created a list to allow me to get maximum mileage doing minimum work. Today, feeling particularly generous, I've decided to share some of my infinite wisdom with the world I live in to do my bit to make it a better place for all of us. So, here goes:
  • Managerlogic: "Employee at his desk do useful work...", so stay longer at your desk... there's plenty of ways you can keep yourself entertained at your desk.. some of those can get you fired or even sent to prison, so try to avoid them.. some of the safer ways to entertain yourself at your desk include: posting to a blog, surfing the web, calling your girl-friend on the company phone... the list goes on.
  • Managerlogic: "Employee walking around with document in hand be productive"... so, when you decide to leave the sanctuary of your desk, make sure you got a sheet of paper in your hand.. doesnt matter if it's a printout of the amazing collection of one-liners you found when you were surfing the web doing the being-at-desk-and-looking-busy part..
  • Managerlogic: "Employee that send manager lot of status updates be doing lot of work..." you could use the system to your advantage here. If you spent the last couple of hours surfing the web and downloading large image files, you could send a status update saying you stress tested the network under extreme load and found the performance satisfactory.. or not.. as the case may be.
  • Managerlogic: "Employee that be in training get value-add that help him be more productive" .. this one is a gold mine. You could con your manager and enrol for all kinds of training ranging from French language classes (reason: "This will really help me deal with our client in Nice much better..." .. never mind that the client in Nice is Harvard educated and speaks much better english than you..) to Manager effectiveness training (reason: "I aspire to become a really effective manager like you.." .. and it doesnt hurt a bit that the instructor for the class is that really cute HR chick....)
  • Managerlogic: "Employee that look busy be busy" ... so, always try to look as if you're trying to solve a problem on which the fate of mankind depends. walk really fast, have a permanent frown on your face, talk to yourself and look lost in thought. This has a very welcome side-effect. People will think you have rabies with the result that they make way for you at the coffee vending machine lest you lose it and bite them in the ass. As for you, less time spent at the coffee machine means more time to be at your desk and browse...
well, there's more pearls of wisdom where those came from, but presently my fingers have begun to hurt from all the typing.. so while you guys digest all the wisdom, I'll return to my browse-and-look-busy routine... until later.... cheers


At 5:05 AM , Blogger Ajeet said...

Well, well! Good to see you're having a cheery time at work. I have to take a dumb english placement exam in exactly 24 minutes. I really think I am going to like it here.


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