Friday, February 25, 2005

Stock Taste

No. This is not a treatise on how to invest wisely and make a killing in the stock market. I can see your shoulders droop and the expectant smile you were sporting only moments ago disappear faster than... er... something that disappears very fast. But trust me, this is a good thing for a couple of reasons:
  • I know as much about the stock market as I do about the tribal rituals of the indigenous people of the Niger delta... which is a fairly roundabout way of saying that I know absolutely nothing about the stock market. So if I were to share my obviously limited wisdom on the topic and provide helpful pointers on how you could make a lot of moolah in the market and if you, in your obviously limited wisdom, were to take my ramblings at face value and decide to put them into practice, it's very likely that you would very soon be sitting on a huge pile of nothing. And then you would be mad as hell and look furiously for someone to blame for your stupidity and that someone would obviously be me. So you would sue me for like a billion bucks and I'd have to change my name to Pablo and flee to Mexico. And then one day, when I have settled into my new life as Persevering Pablo, bull-fighter extraordinaire and happen to be at the neighborhood fast-food shack enjoying a taco with extra mayo and hot sauce, reflecting on how good life turned out to be, masked men with guns would suddenly burst in through the door, windows and the roof and someone would yell,"Freeze sucker, this is the FBI..." .. well, that's one good reason for me not to venture into giving any advice on how to invest in the stock market.
  • The second reason is fairly straightforward. "Investing wisely in the stock market" is a load of bull. There's absolutely no wisdom in investing in the stock market. It's a communist conspiracy to take over the world. This is how the scheme was designed to work: The majority of investors in the market would be small investors who foolishly thought they could make a pile of moolah with a fistful of pennies. They would pour all their loose change into stocks that looked fabulous in the ads but in reality had absolutely no chance of moving anywhere but south. And when all the small investors had invested all their money into stocks, the market would crash and they would be left sitting on a huge pile of nothing. And they would be mad as hell and look furiously for someone to blame for their stupidity and that someone would obviously be the Government. (It can't be me because I'd already have been arrested by DUH EFF-BEE-AYH and incarcerated at a maximum security correctional facility for dangerous felons like myself, serving 10 consecutive life-terms...) .. so the mob of angry and foolish small investors would sue the government for like a billion bucks and everyone in the government would have to change their name to Pablo and flee to Mexico. Then there'd be a new government and the same thing would happen again... and when everyone capable of being in the government have changed their name to Pablo and fled to Mexico, the communists would move in and take over.... like I said before, the stock market is a giant communist plot to take over the world...
So, there you have it.. two good reasons why I don't want to pontificate on how the small people can make a pile of the good stuff by dabbling in public issues. Wow, I guess I've spoken a whole lot without actually even getting to what the stock in "Stock Taste" stood for. I guess I can do that before I conclude... the usage of "stock" in the title was as an adjective to mean "without any thought or originality"... and this post was supposed to be about my stock taste in movies that my friends accuse me of and my spirited defense of my taste. And it ended up being a tirade against the communists and the stock market... huh.. I wonder how I got there... anyways, you now know what my next post is going to be about and I bet you can't wait to get your hands on it.. 8-) .. until later.. cheers...

7 Comments:

At 12:32 AM , Blogger Guruprasad Kini (Guru) said...

ROFL! F*-A, Man! This was too good! I share your views (and knowledge) abt the Stock market.

 
At 3:56 AM , Blogger Kaushik said...

Hilarious, man...truly hilarious!
"It's a communist conspiracy to take over the world "...LOL!!

 
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