Thursday, October 06, 2005

"Dude, we insist on apologizing..."

This post is the third (and hopefully the last) installment of the tale of my struggles with the US Govt's income tax dept., the IRS. (the earlier episodes of this epic being Part-I and Part-II) And like the concluding episodes of all trilogies, this one makes for a happy ending, representing the victory of good over evil, right over wrong, wisdom over stupidity etc, etc. 'nuff said.. here's the story...

Yes! The day of deliverance is come. I have fought the dark forces of evil (read IRS) and won!! Today morning I got a call from my dad informing me that he had received a letter from the IRS apologizing for all the misunderstanding and hoping to do business with me again. I would have shed tears of joy but I thought that would amount to being a little too melodramatic. In any case, it would suffice to say that I am extremely pleased with this latest turn of events. Now I can sleep easy at night without having to worry about masked gunmen bursting in through the door, windows and the roof and someone yelling, "Freeze sucker, this is the FBI. You are hereby charged with tax evasion to the tune of $318 and 34 cents. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and used against you in the court of law, where you will be found guilty and incarcerated in a maximum security correctional facility for dangerous felons... hehahahaha"

Now that the aforementioned scenario is a little unlikely to translate into reality, I can go ahead and sue the IRS for like a billion dollars for all the mental and emotional trauma they've caused me over the past year. Then when I win the case and get millions of dollars in an out of court settlement with the IRS, I can write a inspirational book titled, "I fought the IRS and won.. You can too!!" which will go on to become an international bestseller earning me millions more. Then I'd sell the movie rights of the book to a major Hollywood motion picture studio in a bank breaking deal, earning me more money than anyone ever thought possible... And then I'd send a letter to the IRS thanking them for all the my newfound success and riches... and they'd read the letter and weep at their stupidity... hehahahaha... until later... cheers... 8-)