"Dude, you still owe us money..."

This is a follow up to an earlier post of mine, "Our records show..." and for the benefit of my audience who have better things to do in life than follow the tale of my woes with the IRS, here's a summary of the story until now:

a) Dude (me) files returns on taxes paid while dude was in the US and waits greedily for a tax refund check in US dollars.
b) Six months and no refund check. Dude, impatient by now, calls IRS and asks for a new check to be mailed to him on account of not having received the earlier one.
c) Two more months and still no dollar check. Dude, much irritated, calls IRS again, rants about not having received check and asks for new check to be sent.
d) Dude receives dollar check which he happily encashes.
e) Dude receives another dollar check for the refund amount. Dude has strong urge to encash the check and only fear of the FBI prevents him from doing so.
f) Dude gets letter from the IRS informing him that he owes them money.
g) Dude in serious shock. Calls IRS and is informed he needs to mail check in his possession back to IRS along with explanation of facts leading to current situation.
h) Dude nervously does as told, hoping this would end his traumatic experience but half expecting to hear back from the IRS at any moment....

aur ab, aage ki kahani...

In "Our records show..." , I'd mentioned that I was waiting to hear back from the IRS in eager anticipation and well, the IRS did not disappoint me. It was a bright and sunny Sunday morning and I was enjoying my cheese masala-dosa (CMD) at the neighborhood fast food joint in the entertaining company of my friends when I got a call from my dad informing that a letter from the IRS had arrived at our home in Hyderabad, causing me to almost choke on the CMD. Suddenly, the day didn't feel all that bright and I didn't feel too good. My dad proceeded to tell me that the letter said some like ... "Our repeated attempts to contact you have failed to elicit a response and we will initiate legal recourse to recover the money owed to us if we don't hear from you in 10 days' time". And as I sat there, almost choking on the CMD, I thought to myself, "well, life gets interesting again..."

I really was at my wit's end now. I didn't owe the IRS any money, I'd done exactly what they'd asked me to do and now I was being threatened with legal action. What kind of sick and crooked world was I living in? I half wanted to mail a check out to the IRS and be done with it, even if it meant parting with money that was rightfully mine. But that would trivialize all my earlier struggles to get the damn check in the first place. Besides, I was fighting this fight with the IRS not just for myself , but for all those who had ever been wronged by the Dark Side and I owed it to them to see this fight through to the end... even if it meant receiving threatening letters and almost choking on CMDs.

My resolve strengthened by the CMD temporarily cutting off oxygen supply to my brain, I decided to pursue a new course of action. All along, I'd done exactly what the IRS had asked me to do and that had brought me nothing but misery. What would happen if I did the exact opposite of what the IRS asked me to do? It was worth a try. Things definitely could not get any worse for me anyways.... Thus thinking, I proceeded to identify what the IRS had asked me to do this time around. They were asking me to get in touch with them. So, I simply resolved not to get in touch with them and see what would happen.

Shortly after I had embarked on this ground-breaking course of action, I got a call from my dad. Apparently, he'd got a letter from the IRS informing that they had received the letter that I'd sent them and that it would take about six months before the records could be set right. I was overjoyed... my new approach was yielding instant results. So, until the IRS set their records right, they could keep sending me reminders, legal notices, threats, pleas, summons etc and I would conveniently do exactly the opposite of what they asked me to do.... unless of course the IRS asked me, "Do you want a check to be mailed to you?" in which case I would say, "Yes, Please!!!"... until later... cheers :)