Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Junk food

Yeah!Yeah! I know I'd said in my previous post that my next post (that's this one) would address the outstanding and deeply divisive issue of my (alleged) stock taste with regard to appreciation of a contemporary medium of popular entertainment viz. movies and my defense of the same. And that would indeed have been the subject of the current post were it not for some recent developments that had seriously jeopardized the prospects of my short-term well being. My thoughtful reflections on these developments led me to some startling and far-reaching conclusions that I thought it my duty to share with everyone else (who, for a variety of reasons haven't reached these very conclusions just yet and without my help might never reach them). This post is an effort to that end....
The episode in question started at six today morning when I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing. Now waking up at six in the morning to the melodious sound of one's alarm clock should not be a big ask for a man of steely determination and regular habits.. someone not very much unlike myself. But that is exactly what I had been endeavoring to do for an entire month with very limited success. Today, I had finally been able to resist the lure of a warm bed in the wee hours of a cold morning and it was with a fair amount of pride that I considered my surroundings as I sat awake on my bed. The warm glow of pride, however, did not last very long as I realized that it might not have been my "steely determination" that had helped me overcome the elements and inherent lethargy to respond favorably to the alarm clock but something a little more primal. Like that feeling you sometimes have in the pit of your stomach telling you that something you ate last night doesn't quite agree with you and is refusing to go down without a fight.... and that an urgent trip to the restroom is definitely in order. Thus thinking, I headed towards the restroom with due urgency... my pride very much crushed under the burden of the prevailing circumstances. Having successfully dealt with the pressing issue that had necessitated frenzied action on my part, I proceeded to attend to the rest of my daily chores with some degree of equanimity and composure. It was under the soothing stream of warm water from the shower that I attempted to investigate what could have precipitated my earlier situation of considerable discomfort. Unencumbered by any need for urgent action, I proceeded to prepare an exhaustive list of probable causes for my earlier condition:
a) Staying awake till 4 in the morning.
b) Staying awake till 4 in the morning watching a nerve-wracking game of Champions League football (soccer, for those who still think football is a game in which a man tries to run across a field with a very weird shaped ball in his arms...)
c) Staying awake till 4 in the morning devouring a ton of cookies while watching a nerve-wracking game of Champions League football.
d) The flu I had been suffering from having seriously limited my digestive abilities.
e) The anti-biotic that I was taking to combat the flu having seriously limited my digestive abilities.
f) The flu virus and the anti-biotic I was taking to combat the flu virus ganging up against my digestive system.

I was still in the process of listing out the possibilities whilst enjoying the shower when I heard a frenzied knock on the door of the restroom requesting immediate use of the facilities. A quick deductive analysis led me to conclude that the requester in question was my cousin and that he appeared to be suffering from the precisely the same symptoms I had found myself in not very long ago. So I made haste for the second time that morning and made way for one very grateful cousin. Now this development brought to a very abrupt end the line of investigation I had been pursuing until that point... for my cousin had not stayed awake till 4 in the morning, had not watched a nerve-wracking game of football, had not consumed large amounts of cookies, was not suffering from the flu and consequently had not taken any anti-biotic to combat the same. Pursuing new leads, I quickly reached the conclusion that the common condition was probably down to the consumption of comestibles I had prepared the previous night for dinner. There appeared to be nothing else over the course of the previous 24 hours that could adequately explain the bizarre sequence of events. The dinner in itself was fairly simple and the only item on the menu that was even remotely prone to any suspicion at all was the sambhar I had prepared from a packet of sambhar powder that had been in the kitchen since before I moved into the apartment. And then the magnitude of my words suddenly struck me in a blinding flash.. "since before I moved into the apartment". I quickly checked the label on the sambhar packet and sure enough there it was... "Manufactured: July 2003. Best if used within 12 months of manufacturing." Another case solved and another satisfied customer (er... myself, again). The superlative sleuth had done it again and the day was saved!! So, what was the far reaching conclusion that I reached, you ask? Respect and worship the awesome power of the "Expiry Date".... protector of the meek and vulnerable... defender of all that's good and right in the universe... Ok, maybe I am beginning to get a little dramatic here but you get the idea, right? :) until later... cheers...


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