Friday, May 27, 2005

The Heist

Are you ready for a gripping tale containing all the essential ingredients of a great drama... a tale of suspense and intrigue, of trust and betrayal, of magnanimity and treachery, of romance and riches beyond imagination... with a couple of good chase sequences and lots of stuff blowing up? Then be prepared to be bitterly disappointed. (man, do I love disappointing my audience or what??) :-) The title of the post is just a marketing ploy to con unsuspecting blokes that stumble upon my blog into reading this tripe that I'm trying to pass off as a legitimate post. This is, in fact, a tale of two little kids and their piggy bank.... you know, the kind that kids put coins in and expect to find a fortune when they open it....

The two kids in question are my brother, who's a couple of years younger than me, and yours truly. And the incident in question took place when I was around eight or so. Now this was a long time ago and there are some gaps in my recollection of the incident, which I have conveniently filled with fiction for your benefit. Now as kids, my bro and I were hardly the "Ram-Lakshman"-esque pair you hear about so often in stories like this one. In fact, the relationship between the two of us was always more than a little testy. I regarded him as a loud and stinky cry baby(which he was) and he regarded me as a big bully for reasons unknown. Not a day passed without the two of us attempting to resolve our differences through the time tested conflict resolution mechanism commonly called fist fight. Our parents had to tear us away from each other's throats more often than they would have liked. They tried pretty much everything in the good-parenting manual and then some to get us to behave more like kids and less like a couple of pit bulls. And as you may have guessed, all their considerable efforts bore little fruit.. thanks entirely to my brother who absolutely refused to be reasonable... unlike me. Then one day my dad came up with a brilliant idea.. (I know what you guys are thinking.. "Dad came up with an idea. There's no way this can end well.." .. and you are absolutely right!!)

The idea was simple and sounded pretty good too. He reasoned that if my brother and I had a joint stake in a venture, we would have to co-operate to ensure that the venture was a success and that would keep us from trying to push each other off the first floor balcony. That night as my brother and I fought for the control of the toy plane, dad called us aside and instead of trying to talk some sense into us, he produced a shiny new plastic piggy bank and asked us,"How would you like to earn your own money and put it into this piggy bank?" Now, among other things, my brother was a real mercenary too. Dad's words immediately caught his attention and he promptly stopped the high-pitched wailing he had immersed himself into after I had wrested control of the toy plane. My dad, encouraged by this, proceeded to explain how we could make our fortune. We would get money for errands we ran around the house and even for just staying out of trouble. In addition, any change that was left over when we got stuff from the neighborhood grocery store would be ours to keep. We could deposit all the money we got into the piggy and when the piggy got full, it would be opened and we could collect our respective contributions. It would be more money then we could imagine, dad promised us.

The venture started off well. My bro and I put all the money we got into the piggy and we didn't fight as much. Everyone was happy and I noted with satisfaction that the piggy was getting heavier every day. Then one day I noticed my bro surreptitiously throwing a candy wrapper into the trash can after his visit to the grocer's. That day he did not deposit anything with the piggy. I noted with growing concern as his deposits became more and more infrequent, while I diligently continued to deposit all my money into the piggy. I wondered how we could get our "respective" contributions back once the piggy was opened. The little runt would undoubtedly try to dig into my share and I'd have to hold firm... but I decided I could worry about that at a later time.

The days flew by and one day I couldn't push my coin into the piggy. The promised day had arrived!!! I was rich!!!! I resisted the temptation of opening the piggy up immediately and counting the booty... my crafty bro would accuse me of fiduciary malfeasance if I opened up the piggy in his absence. So, I fetched him and he commented happily that the piggy was indeed very heavy. After a small struggle involving two spoons and a fork, we managed to open the piggy up. We counted the collection and it was all of 109 rupees and 35 paise. It was at this point that all the trouble started. My bro said something like,"Now that we've counted the money I'll take my Seventy five rupees and leave." Now, I knew I'd have to put up a fight to get my fair share, but this I'd not expected. I'd assumed that he'd ask for half the booty and the negotiations would start there. His words struck me like a blow to the solar plexus and for a moment I just stared at him, stunned. Then I launched into action and all hell broke loose. I knew now there was no way I could get my share through peaceful negotiations.. my bro was simply impervious to reason. A more direct approach would be required. The direct approach I decided on was to make for the pile of coins with both hands.

It took my bro a while to react too.. clearly, he had not expected this... then he lunged towards me and very soon we were at each others throats.. again... attempting to settle the issue the old-fashioned way. After a bit, he realized he was not making much headway and unleashed his weapon of choice... the high-pitched wail. Dad rushed into the room and looked on in disbelief at the two of us duking it out in a pool of small change. Dad, realizing his master-plan had spectacularly back-fired, seperated us, took me aside and said to me,"You're the elder brother. You should now behave like one. He wants the money.... give it to him. You can make up that money again in little time."... with an "or else" implicit in the suggestion. It was with a very heavy heart that I agreed to dad's suggestion. At that time, the small pile of coins indeed represented riches beyond imagination and I felt like a man whose fortune had been taken away from him.

That incident taught me a very valuable lesson.. a lesson no amount of money could have taught me.... never share your piggy bank with a crafty younger brother... :) until later... cheers...

4 Comments:

At 1:22 AM , Blogger Guruprasad Kini (Guru) said...

Haha! Make sure Hrishi doesn't get to see this post. I am impressed by the way you always prove yourself to be "Doodh-ka-dhula hua". Shabaash. I, er, believe you.
Well, this tale (and I am sure there will be many more in the same vein) explains your disturbed childhood. No wonder little brother is now trying to get even and usurp all your material assets.
I trust interested parties (ppl like me) will get to see a rerun of your "Heist" episode when "Jaydaad ka Batwaara" time comes. Keep us in sync. :D

 
At 1:48 AM , Blogger Pushuka said...

what can I say!! I'm touched by your concern for me. What would I do without friends like you.... :)

 
At 3:37 AM , Blogger Guruprasad Kini (Guru) said...

Yeah...right!
BTW this "piggy bank" scheme was employed in my household when I was around 10 or so. Only neither me nor my lil bro had much faith in the whole "paisa-bachao" enterprise.
Mom had got us 2 tin-alloy piggy banks from Corporation Bank (I remember it had lot of animals and stuff to entice kids).
Eventually, my resourceful lil bro figured out how to tweak the tamper-proof lock. I caught him in the act and as a bribe he taught me his lock-picking techniques. Ma didn't get any wiser till after a long time.
That was my first and last "gullak" venture. :D

 
At 5:06 AM , Blogger Pushuka said...

hahaha.. so you have a piggy bank story in your past too.... with "kahani mein twist" to boot.. :)

 

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