The Worst Movie of All Time... Ever...

I guess there really is nothing like watching an idiot movie to motivate one to blog, if only to spew venom on the aforementioned train-wreck of celluloid misadventure. Just when it looked like Bollywood was beginning to mature and churn out movies which were not a total insult to human intelligence (or even a wall clock's intelligence, for that matter), along comes Kambakth Ishq and sets the industry back by a decade. Just thinking about the magnitude of resources needlessly expended on an inanity like this makes the mind boggle, and if this sorry excuse for a movie ends up as anything but a loss-making project, I will have serious concerns about the future of humanity.

I knew any movie starring Akshay and Kareena was not likely to hit the heights, but I hadn't expected such mind-numbingly stupid fare passed off as entertainment either. Before I go any further, the customary disclaimer: "Spoilers Galore", thought I don't know why anyone in their right minds would want to watch the movie after hearing my expert opinion. But then again, the world is full of people who don't learn from accidents until they're in one. Case in point: yours truly, who watched this movie after having been warned against it by his brother. Some people are just too dense... -sigh-

Anyways, the movie is about this idiot stuntman (Akshay) and an idiot model/surgeon (Kareena) who are constantly at odds. Midway thought the movie, idiot stuntman has an accident and is rushed to a hospital where the idiot surgeon operates on him and promptly leaves her musical wrist watch lodged firmly in the idiot stuntman's abdomen before stitching him up. Idiot stuntman then goes through his daily life hearing inexplicable, periodic incantations and wondering what's wrong with him. Meanwhile, idiot surgeon has realized her mistake and her only concern is about the consequences of her negligence on her career. Damn the Hippocratic Oath and patient welfare to hell...

So, the idiot surgeon conceives some idiot schemes to get the idiot stuntman back to the operating table. To cut a pointless long story short, she seduces him into the operating theater, extracts her watch and promptly proceeds to dump and berate the recuperating idiot. The heartbroken idiot proposes marriage to Denise Richards who (surprise, surprise) consents. By this time the idiot surgeon has an incredibly rapid change of heart and begins to repent her actions. With some encouragement form other idiot friends, she gatecrashes the idiot stuntman's wedding with Denise Richards. The idiot stuntman dumps the incredibly hot Denise Richards and elopes with the idiot surgeon. The end.

I guess it is a happy ending after all. If the idiot stuntman wants to get married to someone who put her career above his life, and then proceeded to kick him in painful places when he was down... and if the idiot girl wants to get married to a guy who can leave Denise "Wild Things" Richards standing at the altar to get married to her... then the two idiots really deserve each other. And the happiest thing about the movie of course was that it ended, putting me out of my misery. So, if the movie was as painful an experience as I make it out to be, why the hell did I watch it to completion? In the desperate hope that things would get better. Trust me, they don't. The movie starts from a pretty low spot, and keeps moving down a bottomless chasm... You've been warned... Until later... cheers...