The Streets of Bangalore...

The streets of Bangalore are not the place to be for the faint hearted. The street seems to have an inexplicable and very malign influence on the unsuspecting folk that accidentally stray onto it. It has the power to turn an ordinary, mild-mannered and civilized software engineer into a raving lunatic who truly believes that the sole purpose of everybody else present on the street is to cause him untold aggravation. The street... cold and unforgiving... where danger lurks around every corner and everyone is suspect... only the meanest will survive. Okay, maybe I am getting a little carried away now, but there really isn't another activity on the planet that makes such demands on your physical, mental and metaphysical faculties. Any excursion onto the streets of Bangalore demands that you have an iron will, nerves of steel and the luck of the Irish to come through unscathed. Anything less than that and you're fish food for the piranhas on the streets of Bangalore.

Having survived Bangalore and its dreaded streets for close to three years now, I consider myself something of an authority on the subject of dangers on the streets of Bangalore. I feel it something of a sacred duty to share my knowledge and wisdom with folks who have not yet reached my level of "Street Nirvana". This post is the first of a series in which I shall preach on the perils novices to Bangalore's streets are likely to come to face with. This post's subject: "Crafty Canines".

There is no greater danger to the average motorist than the conniving canine. Imagine.. you're on your bike, seeking no more than to get from point A to point B without incident. Just when you begin to feel that the journey might actually be incident free, you notice from a distance, a dog sitting by the road, watching the traffic go by. Something about the dog doesn't look right... maybe it's the look in his eyes or the manner in which he's wagging his tail. You have an uneasy feeling about the dog, but try to convince yourself that it's just the Maggi dal-atta noodles that you had for lunch. Moments pass slowly as your bike inches forward. You think to yourself, "In a few moments I'll have passed the dog and it'll all be over." At that very moment, the dog, who until that very moment looked as if he'd be happy to watch the traffic whiz past for the rest of his life, has a sudden urge to cross the road. He starts with purpose and speed, mindless of the fact that a panic-stricken software engineer and his bike are hurtling towards him with great speed. You make a final super human effort, pull a move on your bike that you never thought possible and narrowly avoid becoming one with a BMTC bus that was endeavoring to overtake you in your moment of uncertainty. You manage to avoid the dog but the incident has left you badly shaken and shaved about 10 years off your life. You pull to the side of the road to calm your severely frayed nerves. You spare a thought for the canine who, you feel, would have had as stressful a time as you. Your eyes scour the other side of the road, for you know that was where the dog was endeavoring to proceed to. You finally find what you are looking for. The dog is now seated across the road, watching the traffic go by.... You realize you have tears in your eyes and you promise yourself that the next time a dog attempts to cross the road you'll be ready for him....

Well, there you have it. One in an infinitely long list of hazards you could expect to encounter on the streets of Bangalore. The next in the series: "The Plotting Pedestrian"... until later.. cheers... 8-)

You've got.... a common cold???

common cold (n): a respiratory disorder characterized by sneezing, sore throat, coughing, etc., caused by an allergic reaction or by a viral, bacterial, or mixed infection.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1)

In my opinion, the common cold is the stupidest and most irritating of all ailments to be suffering from. It's never debilitating enough to render you totally immobile and senseless, but at the same time it seriously crimps your ability to do anything meaningful or worthwhile. In a nutshell, it's an ailment with probably the highest nuisance value. It's also an ailment that the rest of the world never takes seriously enough. (You, of course take it seriously because you're suffering from it). If you tell people you're suffering from say measles, they're most likely to respond with "Ohhh... I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you feel all better soon.." or some other words to that effect before beating a very hasty retreat. But if you tell someone you're suffering from cold, the only reaction (if you get any reaction at all) is, "Hmmm... but that's what you had said last week...". This despite the fact that a common cold is more physically taxing than measles and you could really do without the smart-aleck statements of sarcastic disbelief.

As is clearly evident from my rant, I have some serious and unresolved issues with common cold. That's because lately I seem to have become a magnet for the common cold virus.. it's as if there's a huge flashing neon light above my head saying, "Common cold virus reunion party here. Season tickets available. Rush to make your reservations today!!!" I wonder if my immune system even recognizes that the common cold virus is something it ought to be dealing with. I'm guessing here's how a typical interaction between my immune system and the common cold virus goes:

Antibody: Halt!! Who goes there?
Common cold virus [in an Armani suit and dark shades]: Err... it's me, Jake, from the Central Nervous System..
AB: Oh... Ok. I thought you were a virus or something, man... the black coat and stuff, you know..
CCV: Ya. I get that a lot, dude. I really should change my wardrobe...
AB: Btw, cool shades..
CCV: Thanks... I bought them at the new mall by the pulmonary artery. There's a discount sale on at the moment.
AB: I guess I should get me one of 'em cool shades, now that there's a sale and all..
CCV: Ya, they'd go well with your outfit, dude...
AB: Really...
CCV: Oh absolutely... Er, listen, I got a favor to ask, dude...
AB: Sure... anything for you, man.
CCV: Could you give me a Z-class security pass. It would be a drag if I kept getting pulled over just because of my appearance. I got some priority business to attend to for the high command.
AB: Here's a Z++ class security clearance. This should get you by all security check points.
CCV: Thanks pal... Hey, maybe I can put in a good word for you at the top.. you know, get you off the streets and into a plum desk job...
AB: That's really very kind of you. This job is really stressful for someone of my age. As a matter of fact we've just had an announcement to be on the lookout for a suspected common cold virus. I'm too old for this kind of thing...
CCV: I totally understand. And if I should come across the virus, you'll be the first to know..
AB: We need more citizens like you, sir..
CCV: Just happy to do my duty.. Hey, I got to run now. Thanks for everything and have a great day..
AB: You have a good one too....

Yeah, I know... totally duh-uh. But that's the only explanation I got. Looks like my immune system has got used to the good life and what it really needs is a kick in the behind. In fact, during my last struggle with the scourge of common cold, I stayed away from medication of any kind. About time my immune system started earning its pay and stopped relying on external reinforcements to do its job, I say... until later... cheers.. 8-)

Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter...

Yesterday was a sad day indeed for all wildlife lovers. Steve Irwin a.k.a the Crocodile Hunter died from a stingray barb to his heart while shooting an under water documentary. A regular on the Animal Planet, Steve never failed to entertain with his antics, his effervescence and his thick Aussie accent. It was a joy to watch him contend with the crocs, run towards creatures most of us would run away from and say, "Isn't she a beauty" pointing towards a patently ugly critter. An awesome brand ambassador for both wildlife and Australia, Steve lived doing what he loved doing and died doing what he loved doing. Few of us can be that fortunate. Steve Irwin: naturalist, conservationist and entertainer, you will be dearly missed....